PickMiBlog

“Wheels in the Sky Keep on Turnin’…!”

Arguably, one of the best things about Detroit (with PickMiDate being a reaaally close second), is the Auto Show at Cobo Hall every winter.  Dubbed the NAIAS (North American International Auto Show), it highlights the best vehicles from around this blue ball bearing which we call Earth.

AND speaking of Mother Earth, each manufacturer had a (battery) pack of electric/hybrid/green/juiced/cell vehicles in their lot, as well as the tried and true dinosaur fossil eating combustion engines.  The last statement isn’t a slam, as I love my V8 and would cage fight a T-Rex to keep it forever.  Call me old school.

In regards to sexy designs and functionality, the new school was in full form this year with some just-plain-gorgeous cars that make us want to install a drool cup holder in every car we keyed in on.

With the NAIAS, comes the press and critics, with their reviews and very yawn inspiring and traditional “best of” categories.  Well at PickMiDate (PMD) we are not-so conventional, so Erin, Kyle and I (Sean) created our own list and personal reviews with a PMD twist.

Obviously, the cases below are meant to be taken lightheartedly (as if you don’t already):

1. Best Car/Truck To Run Over Your Evil “EX” In:

Erin…Dodge Ram 1500 Outdoorsman Edition.

The image speaks for itself as it has a side gun rack above the wheel well.

Kyle…GMC Sierra All Terrain (concept). Will it get the job done? Yes, and it will do it in style.  The All Terrain 2011 GMC Sierra gives you the luxury to squash your evil ex in any terrain, be it snow, mud, sand, or the urban sprawl of Detroit.  Therefore, there is no possible way that your pesky ex will be able to get away. Lastly, because you are such a nice person and don’t like to end things on a bad note, the Sierra will provide your ex with a beautiful site as he/she is being run over with its nicely crafted grill and undercarriage.

Sean…Mercedes SLS E-Cell.  Ok, probably not the vehicle you’d expect here, but every time I see the gullwing doors up, I think of the Karate Kid, and his patented “crane kick.”  That move is so famous, it would make any ex of mine create more yellow lines down the road, without actually damaging the car.

2. Best Car/Truck for GTL (Gym/Tanning/Laundry… Courtesy of Jersey Shore):

Erin…Ford Escape Hybrid.  When running errands, you want a great stop and go vehicle that is good on gas mileage.  It also has plenty of room to transport your gym and laundry bags (second row seats fold down), a moon roof that allows for good ventilation and extended tanning time, along with running boards to help Snooki sized guidettes an easy and safe entry and exit into this SUV. With color options like “Lime Squeeze Metallic”, you can easily coordinate with your closet full of Ed Hardy, Affliction, and MMA attire.

Kyle…Lincoln Navigator.  This is a perfect automobile for carting around both your Guido bros and your Guidette hoes.  This vehicle provides: a state-of-art sound system that is essential to “beat up da beat”, multiple compartments ideal for storing hair gel and tanning spray, and plenty of head room for the girls with the Snooki poof! The best news is that the back seats can fold down, great to cart your drunk friend home from the bars or eliminating room to avoid grenades!  Also, without the seats, the Navigator can convert into the “Smuch Room on Wheels”.

Sean…Chevy Camaro Convertible. Gym: this thing has plenty of muscle, to go with your “muscle.”  Tan: Who needs to go a tanning bed, when this thing has one built-in. Laundry: this may not have the storage room for your baskets, but has all the flash to hide your “dirty laundry”…for the time being.

3. Best Car/Truck to Sell Medical Marijuana:

Erin…Cadillac Escalade Hybrid.  This has enough cargo volume & payload to make Mexico pale in comparison for selling potential.

Kyle…Kia Soul. This is a perfect mixture between your current hood rat ways and your hippy parent’s past.  The sleek black interior, window tints, and the unique shape are sure to be formidable while transporting tall plants to various locations.  Not only will you be rolling in style, but also with minimal attention drawn to you.

Sean…I keep having flashbacks to the Chevy (ice cream) truck in the movie classic, “Cheech and Chong’s Nice Dreams,” so I decided to go with a Chevy HHR Panel.  With a few graphics and a clown head, this thing is destined to be up in smoke.

4. Sexiest Thing with Batteries (Less Vibration is Preferred):

Erin…Tesla 2.5. It’s sexy inside and out, goes from 0-60 in 3.7 seconds, without requiring a drop of gasoline.

Kyle…Inizio.  Look sexy while saving the environment. This beautiful car can reach speeds up to 170 mph…without gasoline! The car can range about to 200 miles before requiring a recharge and the approximate charge time is only around 8 hours! Although one may fall in love with the Inizio, please note that it does not accept fluids of any sort.

Sean…Porsche 918 RSR.  This race car is just sexy, but the battery is just so cool, it makes me want to put this right in my living room. Basically,the battery looks like the flux capacitor was resurrected in the movie Tron.

Honorable mention…OSU’s Buckeye Bullet. This electric land rocket, looks similarly to a giant, battery powered vibrator.

5. If You’re Gonna Steal a Car/Truck…This is the One Worth Going to Jail For:

Erin…Audi R8 Spyder. Holy Sexy and FAST.  Upon purchase, this  car really should come with any equally hot guy that does not speak a word of English.

Kyle…Audi R8 GT. If you think that you have mastered Grand Theft Auto and are planning on taking up as a profession, let me please suggest starting with the Audi R8 GT. This automobile contains so much sex appeal, horsepower, and awesomeness that it will make for one hell of a rush! Clocked at a top speed of 198 mph, it will surely fulfill that adrenaline addiction that any junkie may have while drawing the eye of the opposite sex. However might I suggest that you pick a prison cross country and drive yourself straight to it because it will be impossible not to break 20 traffic laws as soon as you hit the gas!

Sean…Ferrari 458 Italia. If you’ve never heard the sound of a Ferrari engine before, then you are truly missing the sexiest sound ever produced.  As they cart me to jail after stealing the 458, I keep thinking of the quote Andy Dufresne said from The Shawshank Redemption: “That’s the beauty of music. They can’t get that from you.”  The sound it makes is music to my ears, and worth the 5-10 years.

6.  Best vehicle to MAKE a family in (and keep it FOR your family):

Erin…Audi Q7. It has seven passenger seating capacity with…..wait for it…..28 seating “positions,” and a panoramic sunroof for late night navigating of the big dipper (hopefully). Also included: tinted windows for privacy (or roll them down for the adventurous types), carrying capacity (aka its really roomy) and a Bang & Olufsen sound system (to set the mood).

Kyle… Kia KV7 (Concept.) Are you adventurous in your sexual escapades? If so, the Kia KV7 concept is the perfect car for you to give in to your wild side.  The sleek and roomy interior allows one to be creative.  Try the sofa. Try the rotating chair. Try the table. Try the floor.  The options are unlimited in this sex machine on wheels. WARNING: 4 car seats is the limit. So, we at Pick Mi Date would like to remind you to act responsibly.

Sean…Cadillac CTS-V Wagon.  The CTS-V stands for Coital Tryst (in a) Sophisticated Vehicle.  This V takes the word “quickie” to a whole new level, with over 550 hp, it can take you from zero to sexy, er, 60 in 3.9 seconds. Nothing to be proud of in the sack, but quite impressive when needing a fast run for prophylactics or diapers (when the kids eventually arrive).

7. Best Car to Impress Your Shallow, Materialistic Date:

Erin…Bentley Continental GT.  The sexiest luxury car in the world.

Kyle…2012 Toyota Prius Plug-In Hybrid. What better way to impress your date then show him/her how wise you have been with your money!  Not only have you chosen a car that is reasonably priced, but you have also shown your knowledge about our environment and have decided to go for a much greener approach. In the Prius you will be able to drive up to 13 miles on electricity and also cruise at upwards to 50 MPG when switched to gasoline. Make sure to pack protection in the glove box because the prius is sure to accentuate your intellectual and green side!

Sean…Bentley Mulsanne.  This vehicle is green. Not environmentally friendly, green…but the color of money. This car had linen seats, which made me want to sit in there naked, from the waist down.  Which, in any other car, would hurt my chances for a potential future date…just not in the Mulsanne

A Few Other Honorable Mentions:

Best Name for a Vehicle:

Dodge Ram Big Horn & Long Horn.  This vehicle is already huge and most definitely over compensating for something, so, I guess why not add in an extra few centimeters.

Best Sound System to Play “Bed Intruder” Song & Best Navigation System to Get You to that Bed (to intrude):

2011 Mustang (Dub Edition)- For Shaquille O’Neal. 4 Amps, 12 Speakers, 4 Subs…. Nuff’ said. Speakers loud enough to remove every article of loose fitting clothing.  Just think, Shaq is about the size of 2.34 average males.  Were talking height, people.

As we Journey off in to the sunset in one of these vehicles (one day…no, really, we will), we should add that, in addition to our own personal presentations (above), the car you drive matters. Single people agree that cars make an impression on a date. We are not just talking about the kind of vehicle, but how it’s presented, too.  Like most things on your body…keep it clean.  Nobody wants to see your fast food wrappers or your stuffed teddy bear in the back seat.  Your car is an extension of your soul…your life…and if you treat your car with respect, it will come full circle in your relationship.  Consider it Car-ma.